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Our next step was a contentious one. On one hand we knew that we could meld with humans, a species that not only had the requisite physiology for building a civilization but that indeed had already built their own. In fact the melding was so perfect that we became one and the same permanently. On the other, however, were two important questions. Do we want to be tied to one host species forever? And seeing as how most had reacted so far should we even try? Did we have the right to force ourselves upon them? Survivor argued that we should join with them, even if it meant by force. They did not, after all, cease to exist when we became part of them, he argued. Another argued that we should abandon the concept completely and find another species. Still another wished that we push on, but only with humans who agreed to help. There was also talk of returning to digital stasis inside the ship and waiting for it to repair itself, but as I informed them that could take decades or even centuries, and then what? We sail the stars again for countless years looking for another world?

  There I found myself, someone who'd never wished to lead anyone, let alone an entire species, having to make a decision that would change the fate of not one but two species. I chose the conservative path and told them that we should study humanity more before coming to a final decision. Using the boat we left the harbor for somewhere that no one could identify any of the human hosts. We buried Sayuri at sea, as I was told was the custom. With three of our people now melded with human minds there was little about them that was unknown, but I wanted to see for myself if I was going to decide on the fate of billions of my own kind. Sitting on that deck, tied down so as not to roll over in heaving waves, I asked many questions during our voyage and received many answers. Some I liked, some I did not. Humans were very aggressive, they killed their own kind. It was unconscionable. Still, was there really an alternative?

  I was soon to get many more answers. As we entered the harbor of a much larger city than the one which we had departed from the ship began to detect signals. Not just the wide range that it already had but much more localized ones and of a thousand different varieties. Owing to the fact that I was in no way trained to be its commander or even in its functions I was quite surprised when the ship's computers presented me with a stream of data. I had no idea at the time what the internet was but it was overwhelming. Images, millions of images. Animals, technical diagrams, violence, anatomy...so much anatomy. I would later learn from the others that their new bodies had intense physical drives and that for some reason humans enjoyed not only participating in the act of mating but also watching others participate in it or exhibiting the act for others to watch. I suppose to my brothers and sisters it now makes total sense but for me it is still baffling even after all these years.

  It was the violence, however, that garnered most of my attention. Were the humans even sane? They committed violence against each other, against animals, against the ecosystem itself. It seemed that they had spent their entire history devising new and more clever ways of dispensing violence. It occurred to me that if they had spent one quarter of that energy on peaceful pursuits they would have been a much more advanced species, technologically speaking. The thought did not occur to me at the time that as disgusting as the notion was much of humanity's progress had actually been driven by, not deterred by, their constant warfare. Still, no matter how horrifying, the violence was not all that I saw. Love, compassion, selflessness, they also seemed to be in abundance. How humanity could expend so much energy on hurting one another only to expend an equal amount comforting one another seemed to me to be at odds but through my companions I began to make sense of at least some of it.

  I trusted in their faith in humankind, for indeed they had become part of it. Slowly one thing became overwhelmingly apparent to me. We could not choose a species other than man to join with if we desired long-term survival. If we chose another species, orangutans for instance, there were several problems that came to my attention. The list read as follows:

  - not enough of them exist to harbor us

  - humanity could wipe them out

  - humanity could destroy the planet

  - we could be discovered, then wiped out

  None of these possibilities were acceptable. From the reactions of those we’d tried to approach already it was clear that humans would have a mostly negative attitude to the notion that alien beings seek to inhabit their world, let alone their bodies. We already knew that once melding takes place the human mind easily adapts and actually benefits greatly from the emotional restraint that our kind possess. Could we save humanity from itself? Do we have that right?

  Chapter Four